There is no perfect answer to the question posed, and no one has written down the rules. However, it is one of the most important aspect of childcare starting from the toddler stages and extending to the teenage years. Often, parents don’t know how to have this conversation and set expectations and guidelines for their nanny, child care provider, babysitter, or housekeeper. Giving these care providers some level of authority and setting proper boundaries is very critical in helping the child develop respect and discipline. Often, young and playful nannies don’t know how to initiate a conversation about discipline and authority with parents. It is important to start talking about this on day one with your nanny. One family on the Upper East Side of Manhattan has always had the problem of their kids making fun of and testing the nanny. These kids locked the nanny out; they made fun of her and would not listen to her directions. Of course the nanny was weak and should have taken charge of the situation, but the parents should have also warned her with information about the situation at home so that she could have been more prepared. Most kids are sweet and most nannies are strong enough to manage the kids, but there needs to be a conversation about expectations. Also, another family with tweens had the kids cursing at the housekeeper. These situations create new challenges for nannies; as the kids are their charges but not their children. Nannies will generally see a situation that needs work and know how to make it better. Within few weeks they have all the respect and appreciation from the whole family. No one can have just dessert, we all have to eat broccoli too! This family in Greenwich, CT asked for a nanny that is assertive; it was the first sign of openness and clarity about the situation at home. Each family is different, and we have to find the right fit of command, warmth, discipline and play. There is a right balance for each, but it only comes as the result of good communication between all parties involved.